7-year-old: I’m done with homework.
Me: You did it?
7: That’s not what I said.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

My wife said: “Please go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six.” I came back with 6 cartons of milk She said, “why in the hell did you buy six cartons of milk?”
“They had eggs”
Zombie_Jeebus / Via twitter.com

One time I asked my husband to boil water so I could make spaghetti. He put the pot of water on the stove, watched it until it started to boil, and then turned the stove off.
MarronMarvel / Via twitter.com


hsandhu92 / Via twitter.com

I remember my dad put the washing machine on with nothing in it because my mum said put the washing machine on expecting him to fill it up as well, so it just ended up full of suds
realtrumanshow / Via twitter.com

When I was a kid my mother popped out while cooking. She was boiling some potatoes. She said “Watch the potatoes” as she left. I watched them. They burnt.
pumps1000 / Via twitter.com

I was 16. My grandmother just had a heart value replaced so she asked me to sweep under the bed. When I came back with an empty dustpan she asked where dirt was. I said under the bed. She laughed so hard we thought she was gonna pop that valve…
MatthewOPersico / Via twitter.com

At 8, I ordered my entree and the waiter asked if wanted Super Salad.
I said yes.
He said Super Salad?
He then asked Salad or Soup.
RalphWCarpenter / Via twitter.com

In a school cookery class the recipe called for 1oz currants, so I started counting them. Teacher came over and just poured some out. I was AMAZED that she could judge 102 currants by eye.
pjie2 / Via twitter.com


TheTestingMuse / Via twitter.com

As a kid, I remember going to the doctor & he said to me how’s your stool?
I patiently told him we had chairs & they were all fine.
CrockfordPaul / Via twitter.com

Husband and I reminiscing about the time I texted him on my way home:
“Can you start cooking those sausages?” Then added < 3 as a cute little heart.
He cooked 2 sausages.
AzureDoo / Via twitter.com

My toddler was about to hit her head on a bar at the playground so I told her to duck and she quacked at me.
And then hit her head.
michimama75 / Via twitter.com

On a shopping list – next to fruit and veg, I write ‘check dates’. My husband comes home with a beautiful box of Moroccan dates.
EmmaEaston5 / Via twitter.com


RDODanielE / Via twitter.com

Preview photo credit: TheTestingMuse / twitter.com