So y’all will stop using straws to save fish, but won’t stop eating fish to save fish.

I taught myself HTML so I could build a Backstreet Boys website.

The word 'Frankfurter' describes a sausage OR someone from Frankfurt. So yes, you might get the impression, we're cannibals. We're not.

The police are looking for ways to connect with the community to spread the word that they're not all bad guys and even have a sense of humor.

Why did the crab go to prison? Crimes.

Still waiting for my husband to apologize for what he did in my dream last night.

Stop trying to make everyone happy, you're not a Scholastic Book Fair.

Me: I'm just having a blonde moment. My mom: Your whole life has been a blonde moment.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.

Show me one or two photos of the kids. Not the whole album.

Oh, white people have no culture? Try again, sweaty.

I skip test questions like I’m gonna be a different person when I come back to them.