Dumbledore: “What are your strengths?”
Hagrid: “Breeding monsters and putting children in imminent danger.”
Dumbledore: “Any convictions?”
Hagrid: “Several.”
Dumbledore: “Can you practice magic?”
Hagrid: “Not legally.”
Dumbledore: “….you’re fu*king hired.”
Mr_DrEsquire / Via twitter.com

If you have a crush on someone, you can take a risk and tell them or you can change your name, become a count, uncover a massive fortune in gold and jewels buried on a remote isle and slowly avenge yourself on her husband who threw you in prison to die.
SketchesbyBoze / Via twitter.com

Stop trying to make everyone happy, you’re not a Scholastic Book Fair.
JRobb773 / Via twitter.com

Some of you guys didn’t read “The Giving Tree” when you were younger and missed out on the important life lesson about giving too much of yourself to one person and it shows in your toxic a*s relationships smh Shel Silverstein would be disappointed
lukasbattle / Via twitter.com

TOLKEIN: you wrote a book about a mythical land didn’t you?
LEWIS: yes, the Chronicles of Narnia
TOLKEIN: [writing in a notepad] that’s right. what’s Narnia again?
LEWIS: [leaning in close] Narnia fu*ken business
ShutUpThatsWho / Via twitter.com

HOGWARTS JANITOR: Isn’t there a spell that could clean this up?
DUMBLEDORE: [handing him a mop] Yeah but I’m tired.
thenatewolf / Via twitter.com


novixv / Via twitter.com

There should be an anthology that comes out every year called NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL WRITING
EmilyGould / Via twitter.com


Sayers33 / Via twitter.com

Was listening to the very hungry caterpillar audiobook in my car and accidentally spent $174.09 at the drive-thru
TweetPotato314 / Via twitter.com

*stands outside your window holding a boom box above my head blasting my favorite audiobook*
AndrewChamings / Via twitter.com

The Fantastic and the Beasts
2 Crimes 2 Grindelwald
The Fantastic and the Beasts: Scamander Drift
Fantastic & Beasts
Fantastic 5
Fantastic & Beasts 6
Beasts 7
The Fantastic of the Beasts
We Are Still Making These 9
This Is About Making Money Off Of Intellectual Property Rights 10
catstronomical / Via twitter.com

Candle scents that I would buy:
1) scholastic book fair
2) lite-brite
3) the fear of my enemies
Megatronic13 / Via twitter.com

The middle initials “R.R.”, a ranked list:
1. J.R.R. Tolkien
2. George R.R. Martin
3. The Children R.R. Future
notalogin / Via twitter.com

Professor: then just flick your wand and–
Professor: err that’s not really how it–
Harry: accio a hug
_elvishpresley_ / Via twitter.com

My moms hearing aids are bluetooth wired and she just told me sometimes when she’s in meetings she turns off the listening to people function and just streams audiobooks directly into her ears
veryeva / Via twitter.com

movie producers: looks like we’ve filmed EVERY story
library: not true
producers: what to film next
library: I got some stories
producers: how about three THOUSAND sequels, prequels and reboots
library: are you *kidding* me
SketchesbyBoze / Via twitter.com

Ho ho! Goddamn good thing we didn’t have social media when I was a teenager! The LAST thing I need now is pictures of me reading Lord of the Rings alone in bed popping up and ruining my life.
elunatyk / Via twitter.com

You seem like the type of person that says the movie is better than the book.
AnnietheNanny1 / Via twitter.com

Give us a perfume that smells like a Scholastic Book Fair, you cowards.
JRobb773 / Via twitter.com

If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn’t get to go
TheTimmyToes / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: novixv / twitter.com