#1 This much needed category
Netflix should have a category called
“easy to follow while looking at my
phone the whole time”
WhiteBoyBubz / Via twitter.com

#2 The laziest thing imaginable
If you’re feeling lazy just know that my mom just asked my brother to vacuum his room, but he youtubed a vacuum sound & laid in bed instead
calltaflighter / Via twitter.com

#3 The ultimate Valentine’s Day date
Valentine’s Day idea: go bar hopping and fake a proposal in each place so people buy us drinks all night and we get drunk for free
rons_post / Via twitter.com

#4 Grocery genius

_shxrxn / Via twitter.com

#5 Dad brilliance
My dad is vacuuming while chewing sunflower seed and he’s spitting them out right in front of the vacuum to clean them up as he goes. I have so much still to learn from this man that gave me life.
molly7anne / Via twitter.com

#6 What you should REALLY wish for

egberts / Via tumblr.com

#7 Retail revenge
the Purge but instead of killing for 24 hours we get to talk to customers the way they talk to us
Carroll_Amy_ / Via twitter.com

#8 How to get the most out of your ice machine

iliketweet / Via twitter.com

#9 Gum genius

abioladaniels99 / Via twitter.com

#10 A match made in Chattanooga
a dating app that matches horse girls with men who exclusively take pictures holding fish. rt if u agree
shannincurry / Via twitter.com

#11 The world’s greatest ringtone
one time my phone went off duing the a.c.t. but the good news is i had set my ringtone as a recording of me sniffing and clearing my throat… nobody suspected a thing. this is proof that standardized tests don’t measure intelligence because that was smart af and i got a 12
squidslippers / Via twitter.com

#12 How to get that word count up
My sister just told me she’s been adding words onto the end of essay paragraphs then changing the text colour to white to up the word count
_kelliz / Via twitter.com

#13 Shazam part two
Shazam but for strange noises in your house at night.
SofieHagen / Via twitter.com

#14 The agony and the ecstasy of Poop Shoes
Best thing I ever did at work was bring poop shoes.
Shoes you put on to take sh*t with so people don’t know it’s you whylin in the stall
PoloPiffington / Via twitter.com

#15 Thanksgiving round two
We should get rid of Valentines Day and replace it with a second Thanksgiving
GabbyEpstein1 / Via twitter.com

#16 Beautiful names

talonflarne / Via tumblr.com

#17 Intramural genius
in college we named our intramural softball team “NO GAME SCHEDULED” because if the other team didn’t show up they lost their league deposit and forfeited. it worked several times. everyone hated us and nothing as cool as that has happened to me since.
TheDreamGhoul / Via twitter.com

#18 Song memories
IDEA: memories but instead of Snapchat it’s Spotify
“On this day 2 years ago, you listened to ‘I fall apart’ by Post Malone 24 times. We hope you’re doing better”
alxsatrum / Via twitter.com

#19 Snack miracles of life

AngelaBrisk / Via twitter.com

#20 The ultimate taxi
Couldn’t get a taxi home last neet so I went in kebab shop and ordered a delivery to my address and got in with delivery driver, im a genius
jake__woodcock / Via twitter.com

#21 Twin lies

yik-yaks / Via tumblr.com

#22 And, finally, how to spice up your funeral
At my funeral, I’m gonna hire somebody with a scar to look over my body and audibly whisper “I should’ve been the one to finally take you out.”
Alternatively, they could also whisper “They won’t get away with this. I’m gonna finish what you started, old friend.”
charlesoberonn / Via tumblr.com

Preview photo credit: WhiteBoyBubz / twitter.com