#1 He “signed” all of his texts.
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#2 He proudly told me he hadn’t gone to the dentist in 10 years.
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#3 We drove out to Vegas for the weekend and he was THE WORST singer. Our trip was literally just FOUR AGONIZING HOURS of listening to someone sing off-key. Still think breaking up with him was justified.
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#4 His kisses always tasted like milk.
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#5 When I was 5, I had one of those kindergarten relationships. I broke up with him because he proposed and 5-year-old me thought I was going to get pregnant if I married him.
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#6 I met a guy on Tinder who was ridiculously good looking. But for our first date, he took me to a Civil War re-enactment and told me his past relationships hadn’t worked out because he loves history too much and doesn’t understand why that was a problem.
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#7 He only ate chicken nuggets. Literally only chicken nuggets.
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#8 He read EVERY SINGLE BILLBOARD out loud when we were driving back from a date in the city.
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#9 Someone I know ended a relationship because he paid with a $100 bill at the bar and his girlfriend had never seen one before. He said he couldn’t be with someone that was impressed over $100. They were in their mid-twenties!
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#10 He hummed. All. The. Time.
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#11 My little sister broke up with her boyfriend after he ‘reached his hand into her bag of potato chips and took a handful without asking.’ Right after he left our house, she texted him and ended the relationship.
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#12 I once dumped a guy because he got pneumonia and I was afraid that I would catch it.
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#13 I broke up with a boyfriend because he couldn’t chew with his mouth closed. I would remind him but it didn’t stop. Then one night, we were out to dinner and while he was chewing, a piece of food FELL OUT OF HIS MOUTH!!! I just stared at him and he shrugged and continued eating. I calmly put down my napkin, stood up, and left the restaurant (and him.) I never looked back.
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#14 He spit out meat into a napkin, let it sit for a minute, and ate it again. I walked out.
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#15 When I was in ninth grade I legitimately broke up with my boyfriend because he had a wart on his pinky. I thought it was gross — I could feel it every time we held hands.
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#16 He would always stare at me and try to get me to exchange loving glances. Like I’d be watching TV, cooking, texting, minding my own business and I’d feel him staring at me…So uncomfortable.
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#17 The guy’s natural body odor smelled like oranges. He didn’t smell bad by any means, I just couldn’t get over the smell.
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#18 He told me he “knew” he wouldn’t like my dog.
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#19 This guy was nice, but he was quite picky about my music tastes. He came over to my house one day and I caught him throwing out my Kraftwerk records. His excuse was that they were the reason I wasn’t ‘focused on him enough.’ I told him to leave and never talk to me again, then put on my Trans Europe Express album.
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#20 I stopped seeing someone because his skin was too soft and he had zero body hair anywhere. Like, his skin was weirdly softer than any baby’s skin I had ever touched. It almost felt fake!!!
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#21 He stole toilet paper from a Superstore while we were grocery shopping. He was 28.
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#22 He farted while we were cuddling in bed one night and instead of laughing it off or simply apologizing, he said (in a baby voice): ‘Oopsie, I pooted!’ I was instantly not attracted to him anymore and left pretty much immediately.
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#23 I told him not to open the door because my dog could run away. He opened it.
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#24 My husband once broke up with a woman because she took a pregnancy test in front of him, rinsed it off, and put it back in the cupboard so she could use it again if she needed to.
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#25 He’d bring his PlayStation to my house when we would hang out. Every time.
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#26 He was eating Doritos while we were watching a movie and he wiped his cheese fingers on my cream-colored blanket.
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#27 He lived downtown and I could never find parking. One day, I was driving to his apartment and looked for a parking spot for about half an hour. I couldn’t find one, so I decided he just wasn’t worth it and broke up with him in a text after I drove home.
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#28 He used ‘c:’ and ‘:3′ as smiley faces in every text message he sent.
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#29 He kept a can of soup in my kitchen after going out two or three times. Seemed too comfortable too quick.
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#30 I broke up with someone because I didn’t like the way he held his fork. He literally held it in his fist and shoveled food like a caveman. My friends still remind me of it to this day, saying “Poor Fork Guy.”
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#31 My friend dated a guy who had a Furby that would talk randomly in the night. It freaked her out and so she ended it.
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#32 I broke up with someone because he was allergic to peanuts. Dating him meant I couldn’t eat peanuts anymore because if we kissed, I could kill him. Wasn’t worth giving up Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
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