1
First date
Her: Let’s exchange numbers
Me: Won’t that confuse people who are trying to call us?
ItsAndyRyan / Via twitter.com

#2

ridethewildhaze / Via twitter.com

#3
I just remembered the time I was dating a British man and I was annoyed at him about something so I deliberately made my tea in the microwave while staring him right in the eyes
AlishaRai / Via twitter.com

#4

sarayasin / Via twitter.com

#5

dami_lee / Via twitter.com

#6

genericgaystuff / Via twitter.com

#7

sidekicktetra / Via twitter.com

#8
wife: I wish you’d stop bringing your work home with you
Dr Frankenstein: he has a name
wife: DOES HE
_elvishpresley_ / Via twitter.com

#9

eleanorbate / Via twitter.com

#10
My grandmother has a new “friend” at her retirement community. He takes her shopping and to get her hair and nails done.
She told me that his wife doesn’t mind because she has Alzheimer’s.
Ma’am.
laa_ren / Via twitter.com

#11

bethanyrutter / Via twitter.com

#12

RoisinRadio / Via twitter.com

#13
Sorry I cannot hold your baby I am not confident I would save it over my phone if I dropped them both
Brocklesnitch / Via twitter.com

#14
you: let’s get this bread
j.d. salinger, an intellectual: let’s catch this rye
yoiain / Via twitter.com

Via BuzzFeed, Preview photo credit: ridethewildhaze / twitter